Sick and tired
... of being sick and tired
After my vortexing fast, I've tiptoed back into the world of things I've missed about social media: recipe inspiration, parenting encouragement, my local "Everything is Free" group, and things that make me laugh. Having extremely limited my interactions online, it was nice to feel there was some utility to my mindless scrolling.
I've also been reminded about the raging dumpster fire that is our world.
Alongside clips of standup comedians and a guy who promises his dinner recipe will only take 30 minutes have also been highlights the latest political turmoil (don't even get me started). Disasters – both natural and man-made – seem to be on the rise, resulting in incredible loss of life. People are just generally angry or pissed off, turning the comment sections of many posts into a cesspool of negativity. Other people are literally fearing for their lives.
A few days ago, my algorithm decided to serve me up some truly disturbing content. I won't go into the details, but the headlines graphically described violence towards children. What is wrong with people? I shuddered. I blocked the account. Even now, the awful details linger in my mind.
I try to limit my exposure to "news" that tries to get clicks by focusing on despicable behavior. But doing so leaves me feeling guilty. The fact is that whether I expose myself to that content or not, bad things happen every day. I just happen to have the privilege of being able to make it "go away" if I want. Ignorance is bliss, but the suffering continues. The emotional whiplash of positive and negative content has me reeling. I want to block out all the bad. However, doing so might leave me in an echo chamber of rainbows and butterflies, a far cry from the real pain in the world.
So am I obligated to bear witness? Or is their value in protecting myself so I have the emotional capacity to keep trying to do good?
I don't know.
This might be another one of those essays with no real answers (or a main takeaway wrapped up in a pretty little bow). In considering what to write for The Mess this week, I struggled to find a theme that lit that little spark of hope in me. Because frankly, I’m tired. And as I speak to friends and family about their experiences navigating their own lives, it’s a common theme. We’re all being touched in big ways and small by today’s burdens, be it interpersonal tensions or conflict unfolding on a global scale.
I'm trying to figure out how to balance the awful with the wonderful; the depressing with the inspiring; the despair with hope. While it feels like the world is on fire, I want to believe that we can still lift up all that is beautiful about this precious place. Logically, I know we can and some will continue to do their best. But sometimes I need a day to ask... why is it so hard? Is it worth it?
I was reminded of this quote from James Baldwin:
I never have been in despair about the world. I’ve been enraged by it. I don’t think I’m in despair. I can’t afford despair. I can’t tell my nephew, my niece. You can’t tell the children there’s no hope.
As I try to avoid spiraling into an existential crisis, I find myself clinging to the little glimmers of hope that I can: I hold my kids a little tighter, whisper in their ears how much they're loved, and try to show them that the goodness around them is worth nurturing, protecting.
The Mess’s intention has always been to create space to reflect on all aspects of the lives we live and messes we navigate. Right now, I feel heavy. Uncertain. Confused. Wanting to put my hope in a better tomorrow because the alternative isn’t an option I want to entertain. You might be there too. And it’s okay.
Here’s a virtual hug from me to you 🫂
Small victories 🏅
There’s a lot going on in my world right now, some of it exciting and some of it really challenging – most of it both. Sigh. Such is life? But even while there are hard days here and there, by and large I’m able to look around and count the many wonderful things I have for which I’m grateful. That’s a win.
Hot mess recs 🔥
The New York Times recently started a series called Believing, which kicked off with this thoughtful essay about how Americans are struggling to find a satisfying alternative to religion. The points the writer made resonated with me; I too have found myself no longer “fitting in” with the faith of my past but uncertain of how to spiritually move forward. Check it out.
When the world feels like it’s pressing down, Jess tends to turn to a little escapism. Usually that means diving into the kind of sci-fi or fantasy series that she can really sink her teeth into, like The Bloodsworn Saga by John Gwynne, a Norse-inspired book trilogy, or season 2 of the Star Wars spinoff Andor, which just came out. Because sometimes it’s easier to think about the resurrection of angry gods or fomenting rebellion against a galactic empire than real life.
Send us a note 💌
I read somewhere recently that the purpose of encouragement is to give the receiver courage to face the next big challenge. I thought that was so beautiful. So, what encouragement do you have for your fellow readers? What keeps you going when life feels too heavy? We’d love to hear from you, we’re at goshdarnmess@gmail.com.
Until next time,
Sam