The never-ending to-do list
Remind me, why am I scrubbing the floorboards?
Here we go again.
Another work day has ended and I’m exhausted, but this damn house just isn’t going to clean itself. I roll up my sleeves and tell myself there will be plenty of time to chill as soon as I get this done.
What is “this,” you ask? My never ending to-do list. Because time after time, I find myself working right up until bedtime. I crawl into bed totally depleted. And I don’t even feel that great about it, since usually I barely made a dent in the list of things I wanted to get done.
Perhaps you find yourself in the same boat. You’re someone who just can’t stop moving. You describe yourself as a Type A personality – an Inbox Zero kind of person – and goshdarnit, you will accomplish everything you set your mind to. This is me. And I often find myself overwhelmed, but still unable to rest until I knock every single item off my list. Which is ironic, because as soon as I cross off one to-do, another creeps right back on the list (you know the drill).
Before I became a parent, I would actually be able to get to the end of my list and feel good once in a while. Now? Forget about it.
My sister-in-law recently mentioned a book to me, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman, which tries to help readers resist these instincts. One of the ideas in the book is that rather than approaching your list with the mentality of, “I just have to do it until it’s done,” ask yourself instead, “How much time do I feel comfortable spending on this thing, based on my priorities?” It acknowledges that while some things do need to get done, that doesn’t mean they need to take up a disproportionate amount of our time.
As an experiment, I took this approach to cleaning. It’s really important to me that I live in a clean space. But it’s also something that I allow to hang over me until I’m overwhelmed and angry and find myself dusting the blinds when really I should be taking a nap. So about a month ago, I decided I would spend exactly 30 minutes deep-cleaning each day. That’s it.
And to my surprise, by the end of the week my apartment was just as clean as it’s always been. I felt accomplished. I had time to rejuvenate. And shit still got done.
Sometimes it’s not the things that we do that are the problem, but rather how we do them. I haven’t magically become an expert at managing my time and prioritizing the most important things in my life. I mean, just the other day I got sucked into deep-cleaning the whole coffee maker, forgot about it in my rush to do something else, and woke up to a pot of vinegar water. It happens. But I think continuing to practice reflection and intentionality in how I approach my life is going to pay dividends. I don’t just want a clean house; I want a life that feels balanced, healthy, and whole. This is just one strategy that might help me get there.
Small victories 🏅
My husband, babe, two cats and I will be packing up and moving (not far) this month. It’s a big change, and historically moving has been a pretty horrific ordeal for us. But thus far, we have not lost it on each other. Massive victory.
Um, also our new place will be a five minute walk to the beach. I am so excited 🏖️
Hot mess recs 🔥
In the spirit of cleaning and moving, I recommend a purge. It can be little or big, but either way it’s so nice to let go of things that you don’t need. I’ve found my local “Buy Nothing” or “Everything Is Free” Facebook group to be a great way to give my pre-loved items a new, loving home. See if there’s a group in your area, and start giving things away!
Jess recommends We Were Three, a limited-series podcast from Serial Productions and The New York Times. Hosted by Nancy Updike (and produced by a who’s-who of podcast royalty), it examines one family’s COVID tragedy, unpacking the conflicting beliefs, emotions and histories that make up a home, and that complicate grieving when that home falls apart. There’s also a sprinkling of critique of the systems that make this story relatable to too many American families today. It’s a bit heavy, but it’s also thought-provoking. It’s a great choice for that long drive to see family this holiday season.
It’s November. Start expressing your thanks early this year, and tell the people around you how much they mean to you. Life is short. ❤️
That’s all for now!
Sam
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