I mentioned it in passing, but the month of November was totally consumed by moving. When I tell people about it, here’s how most conversations have gone:
Them: “You’re moving! That’s exciting, right?”
Me: “Yeah!”
Them: “Did you buy a house?”
Me: “Oh, um, no.”
Them: “Is it to a bigger place?”
Me: “Not really.”
Them: “Oh, ah, is it…?”
Me: “Well, actually my husband and I were invited to move in with our friend, who bought a house. So we’re going from having our own three-bedroom apartment to now living with a roommate, their dog, our two cats, and the baby. It’ll be great!”
Them:
Listen, I’m fully aware that this sounds like a nightmare to most people. In fact, my husband and I swore we would never again live with roommates after we spent the first four years of our marriage doing so in order to pay off our student loan debt. So when our friend approached us with this proposition six months ago, we thought long and hard about what it would mean for us. Could we really share space with someone again? What about all the pets? Are we prepared to go back to having a cleaning schedule, divided fridge, and arguments about who left their dishes in the sink?
And: this is crazy, right?
In some ways, it felt like going backwards. Society tells us that there is a certain way of doing things. You go to college, figure out your career, meet someone, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and the white picket fence. Anything less than that is frowned upon.
But as we talked through this major life decision, we realized there was a better way to have the conversation. That was to ask ourselves: does this decision reflect our values?
With that focus, suddenly the pros and cons started to shift. We had often talked about wanting to live in community with other people. We talked about wanting to downsize and become less attached to “stuff.” We wanted to have more financial wiggle room for experiences, visiting loved ones, and eating great food. We both expressed a desire to become less selfish and think more about the people we share space with. Suddenly, the things that seemed like cons actually became opportunities to practice our values.
As I write this, the moving finish line is in view. The boxes are slowly being taped up, moved out, opened, sorted, and tossed. Things that created clutter and redundancy are being donated. The baby is one week into his new home and finally sleeping through the night again. One cat prowls the space restlessly, while the other is beginning to creep out from under the bed. The dog can’t wait to be friends, when the cats are ready. My husband, the new roommate, and I have taken turns feeding one another and being fed, all while debating who has the better blender.
It’s a pretty beautiful mess. At times, it’s easy for me to get sucked into what society or other people tell me I should do, rather than listen to my heart and what matters most to me. But the more I heed my intuition and find alignment with my values, the more I realize there’s a million different ways to live life to the fullest. Even if it raises a few eyebrows.
Small victories 🏅
The fact that I only cried about the exhausting moving process one time is major cause for celebration! I’d like to thank deep breathing, essential oils, and better communication skills.
Hot mess recs 🔥
The holidays are a great time to reflect. If you missed it, check out one of my last episodes from “Why We Wrote This” about gratitude. I think sometimes we throw out “gratitude” as a catchphrase, but there’s a profound space for it in our lives – one that’s nuanced and can exist in the midst of loss. Take a listen here.
Jess, who’s a fantasy/dark academia nerd (her words), recently read R.F. Kuang’s latest novel, called Babel, Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution. Think smart, sexy young people studying languages and magic in a venerable institution… until murder, mayhem, and an attempt to take down an exploitative global capitalist system ensues. What’s not to like?
Share us with your friends 💌
Next year, Jess and I have big plans for this little ol’ newsletter. We’re going to be sharing it more broadly and expanding our network. Stay tuned! In the meantime, if you have any fellow Mess Makers in your life who might enjoy it, invite them to sign up.
That’s all for now,
Sam